Is this weird? I used to possess the wondrous odor of nothing at all. I even neutralize perfumes, the delights of Polo Blue lost in my scentless skin. But now? I smell like a person now, specially if that person doesn't shower for a couple of days. Is that a sign of growing old?
 |
| get it get it right? right? |
But what is weirdest about this whole "smell" issue, is that I don't hate it. I actually think it's kind of sexy. I read an article once about how we are attracted to people's body odor because they have the opposite antibodies than us, so you can make babies with super immune systems. Now, does the fact that I find my own body stench attractive mean that I am perfect in every way or ill and insane. Does it mean that I am only destined to be with myself? Forever? Alone, smelling my own pits? Food for thought.
Today I had a talk with my second mom, Viola. Viola is not her real name. Viola is from Uruguay but lives in the States; she was responsible for getting me there, providing with a ridiculously privileged education, the works. I told her how I am kind of stuck and heartbroken. I detest when people are rational and tell me that sometimes "people just fall out of love". Pshht! I know this, on an intellectual level, but right nowI need to hear "well, fuck that bitch." No one humors me.
She told me I am intelligent and smart and I shouldn't rest on my laurels (although the only thing I accomplished was graduating from college with the lowest honors possible) and I will be able to find a great job if I really put my mind to it. But moooom, I just *love* beating myself up! I don't know who I am if I don't think little of myself. Could it be that I actually am all those things? Unlikely; if I was less tortured, I would be a lot more boring.
My job is going well. Is not exactly brainless, but it's also not riveting or engaging. It's a thing, un queso, just kind of... there. At least the time flies by during the lessons. I really have to start reading more, writing more, and try not to stare at the computer screen anymore.... But but but but they are playing Firefly on the internet! Like, 24/7... Decisions, decisions.
This Sunday I want to go take pictures. It's supposed to be a whopping 18 degrees celsius outside! I will have to contain my excitement. Alright, I actually have to work a little bit right now. This shit feels like homework. I'm going to try to relate the account of my first trip to a strip club for next time. 0_o !!
<3
 |
| and my cats. i'll have to get some cats (via) |
Today I had a talk with my second mom, Viola. Viola is not her real name. Viola is from Uruguay but lives in the States; she was responsible for getting me there, providing with a ridiculously privileged education, the works. I told her how I am kind of stuck and heartbroken. I detest when people are rational and tell me that sometimes "people just fall out of love". Pshht! I know this, on an intellectual level, but right nowI need to hear "well, fuck that bitch." No one humors me.
 |
| eye roll |
She told me I am intelligent and smart and I shouldn't rest on my laurels (although the only thing I accomplished was graduating from college with the lowest honors possible) and I will be able to find a great job if I really put my mind to it. But moooom, I just *love* beating myself up! I don't know who I am if I don't think little of myself. Could it be that I actually am all those things? Unlikely; if I was less tortured, I would be a lot more boring.
 |
| (via) |
My job is going well. Is not exactly brainless, but it's also not riveting or engaging. It's a thing, un queso, just kind of... there. At least the time flies by during the lessons. I really have to start reading more, writing more, and try not to stare at the computer screen anymore.... But but but but they are playing Firefly on the internet! Like, 24/7... Decisions, decisions.
 |
| oh capt mal! |
This Sunday I want to go take pictures. It's supposed to be a whopping 18 degrees celsius outside! I will have to contain my excitement. Alright, I actually have to work a little bit right now. This shit feels like homework. I'm going to try to relate the account of my first trip to a strip club for next time. 0_o !!
<3
No comments:
Post a Comment