technology conspiring against me

Today was one of those days where every song I listened to, I could relate to. Mainly because 97% of songs are love songs, and 93% of those are break-up songs. The remaining 3% of songs are about murdering bitches, and I also feel like doing that. And mind you, I did not go straight to La Roux or Adele and just felt the lyrics. No, this was me sitting on the bus to work, listening to my “Top Rated” list, in random order. So, the rundown, in order:

Heaven at Nite – Kid Cudi. Because one of the things he told me last night is to stop worrying so much and to relax and let go. Because I can't, and I have not felt Heaven at Nite in a long, long, long while. A year? More? Remember that night we sneaked off to the woods and I liked you so much and I liked myself so much and the stars were clear and the river was cold and I kissed you in my mind? I do.

Sonnet– The Verve. This song is just super sad. I dig that.

15 Step – Radiohead. Basically this:

How come I end up where I started?
How come I end up where I went wrong?
Won't take my eyes off the ball again.
You used to rail me out and then you cut the string.


A Well Respected Man – The Kinks. Because last night he sounded so secure and logical and mature when in reality we all know everything is messy and bloody, a deep well with dirt at the bottom that sometimes is warm like a blanket but sometimes is freezing and hurts your skin. We all know that.

Then the Skins theme song came on and it made me sad because Skins makes me sad (and like I wanna do a shit ton of drugs), specially Effy because I get her.

Gratuitous Kaya Scodelario gif time! Do yourself a favor and google image her.

Dancing Queen – ABBA. Once I made up a story that in my 17th birthday they sang Dancing Queen to me instead of Happy Birthday. It was so long ago I don't even remember if it happened or not.

Oh Well, Okay – Elliott Smith. “Haha, wanna feel better about your day? WELL NOT ON MY WATCH” my iPod. And Elliott Smith.

This dude had been ruining my life since 2004.

How Deep Is Your Love – The Bee Gees. Not very deep, apparently. Chhhhhhiiiiillllllll song tho. I enjoyed this one.

Never Going Back Again – Fleetwood Mac. One heart break a year is, like, standard, right?

Kids – MGMT. This one made me feel guilty because sophomore year was the year of this song and we were so happy for like two weeks and then I fucked it all up, I'm sorry. I think about this a disturbing amount. Congratulations on graduating, by the way.

Pétalo de Sal – Fito Paez y Spinetta. This is just a love song, but it made me think about all the songs that have not been written about me, about the lack of fictional characters inspired by me, the absence of paintings or photographs of my likeness. No one has ever given me flowers, ever. No one ever has made me anything. I have inspired no grand gestures nor art. A girl did write me a poem once. It was about how cold and distant I am. Thumbs up!

So Happy I Could Die – Lady GaGa. I miss Paris in the spring.

Suffocation – Crystal Castles. Crystal Castles makes me incredibly nostalgic for Smith for some reason. It was the last time I was kind of happy. Doing a bunch of addies and writing papers and having friends around. This song in particular is also sort of sexy at the same time, and it reminds me of all the sex I'm not having.

Trátame Suavemente – Soda Stereo. Translates to “Treat me Softly”. “Te comportas de acuerdo con lo que te dicta cada momento/ Y esa inconstancia no es algo heroico, es mas bien algo enfermo” Oops, was that, like, me?

Heartbeats – The Knife. Once I showed him this song and he was like, I don't really like it, and I was like WAT.

Imaginary Love – Rufus Wainright. Beeeeecause let's face it. I heard Schubert in my head too. It was all in my head, no? The way you used to smile didn't mean anything and I never made you nervous.

via suk.me legit website

Then I started listening to Wu-Tang and felt better. By the way, the above-mentioned songs, in that order, could be the worst playlist in the world. The shuffle feature can really fuck you up. I'll be fine, as people always are. I will not, however, be dating dudes anytime soon. That shit is fucked up.

Otherwise, I want to kill myself less these days, which is good news. As I said to Eva, I promise I won't go anywhere. I'm also eating almost three times a day, and like, food. Progress. 

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