I can't sleep. Again. I noticed,
however, that this is because I like a girl. I like several girls. I
like all girls! Again! And thus, I can't sleep; I go through
different scenarios in my mind, playing out different outcomes to my
awkward phrases, what I could have done better, etc. It's all very
new and exciting. But I can't sleep. So, there's a correlation
between me liking girls and me not sleeping.
What.fucking.ever. At
least I think about something other than how shit my life is because
I'm so broke. Now I think about how shit my life is cause I'm so
alone.
 |
| Maybe it's cause I keep doing this. |
So no sleeping is a blessing. Lots has
happened in my life since I last wrote. I have more friends now,
different friends, international friends. People who are interesting.
And do lots of drugs. I've been a bad girl. In the best most
delicious kind of ways, and I just want to keep getting yummier and
yummier. I also found out that the girlwhoshallnotbenamed was, in fact, seeing someone else and I KNEW IT MOTHERFUCKERS I KNEW IT. I actually
feel better about myself, it doesn't mean it's anything I ever did,
it's just that she is unreliable and met someone else. End of fucking
story. Fucking finally.
...
Although, with summer very fast approaching, I do miss a hot body on top of my hotter one, but we'll
see what we find eh?
Today it's 26 degrees (80 F) out and I
see people without their shirts on, which makes me infinitely happy.
Other things that make me happy: my mother's apple crisp with vanilla
ice-cream, wearing skirts, smoking weed, girls with long hair, buying
cheap nail polish. Things that make me unhappy: my perpetual state of
motherfuckingbrokeness, being away from my friends, forgetting
things, like my headphones in this exact minute. That's a pretty
short list if you ask me, so I'm alright.
 |
| PICUNRELATEDLOL |
I've always been afraid to do many
drugs or drink too much, but I think that shit is actually making
everything better. Yay for drugs!
Right now im on a bus going to work
like 200 kilometers away from home. I go there and go back home every
tuesday and thursday for the next two weeks. It's not great money but
I dont have anything else to do. However, I made the mistake of
taking the non-direct bus and this motherfucker has been stopping
every time, letting people in an out. The seat next to me has seen a
parade of mothers with babies, older smelly people, and, as of right
now, a young girl who is very loud but seems nice. She looks about 15
and has a ridiculous interior accent.
 |
| Have you guys seen Pretty Little Liars? Because it's terrible but I watch it every week. |
When I travel by bus the same feeling
overcomes me once and once again. I see a post, or a piece of garbage
by the road, an individual electrical cable, and I think, fuck, has
anyone else ever in your life ever noticed you? Probably not, I
think, so then that makes me the only person ever who has ever
noticed this thing, sitting there. A great big pressure begins in my
body and I feel extremely big and extremely small at the same time.
Sometimes when I close my eyes at night I feel the same pressure, but
I am also floating. The darkness inside my head feels intermittently huge and tiny, my body, the same. I used to feel that a lot more when
I was a kid. I hated the feeling and now I miss it. It was like being
naturally high, questioning your own size, the universe, the
darkness. So, I'm glad I can't sleep and question my own smallness.
I can't fucking believe I forgot my
earphones.
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